‘I get to watch her struggle worse than I did in it’: Fellow teacher grabs leadership role from a colleague, then learns she can’t handle the parents and spreadsheets it involves

Author image for Etai Eshet
Etai Eshet • Editor
Aug 28, 2025 1:00 PM EDT

A colleague lobbied for the title, grabbed it, and learned in real time that the job is spreadsheets, not speeches. 

The quiet builder steps aside, the applause quiet, and the new lead meets the unglamorous day-to-day reality: sheets that need tending like houseplants, and parent calls that reward precision over pep. The inbox once full of praise becomes a ledger of hours, and the stipend starts looking like a tip.

The general lesson is boring and undefeated. Workplaces love confidence at noon and call competence at midnight. Visibility gets promoted, infrastructure gets assumed, and then the person who kept things running is asked to "help out" from the bench for free. 

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    Colleague stole my position and now I get to watch her struggle worse than I did in it

    a Tired Teacher Sitting at Desk looking frustrated and without hope
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    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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    Fellow teacher says Is k at my job and gets my new boss to agree with her. She gets my position and realizes
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  • This story isn’t about collaboration, it’s continuity without pay. Tools are skills, not vibes; process beats personality; and results don’t care who sounded convincing in the hallway. If leadership wants to last, it needs documents anyone can follow, systems anyone can run, and compensation for the person who teaches the trick. Skip that, and the story ends the same way every time: the crown is shiny, the calendar is heavy, and the throne turns into a chair the moment the grown-up work arrives. Enjoy the title; the formulas are hungry.

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    things weren't as easy as she thought they were. I get to sit back and watch her struggle to even do half
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    of what I was capable of. I'm a teacher at a decently affluent public school. For the most part, I love my job.
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    I've made genuine friends among staff members and the students make the hard work worth it. There are, of course, the negative
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    parts of teaching you always hear about: low pay, grading on off hours, etc. But for the most part, the deal has been good.
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    a teacher next to a green board woth chalk writing on it with a huge smile on her face
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    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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    A few years back, I was recognized by my old boss as a potential leader in the building. He stressed to me that I was
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    very data oriented and likeable among my colleagues. I know my way around Google Sheets and Excel when it comes to collecting
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    and organizing student data and am really solid with parent communication. I was hesitant but eventually I agreed and became a "leader" for
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    a group of teachers and students at the school, in charge of organizing meetings, overall student educational success, etc. That old boss who promoted
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    me left and I was stuck with a new boss who I didn't know well. Here's where things get messy: I have sensory processing disorder
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    and mild hearing loss. It's hard to explain but sometimes I genuinely do not hear things correctly. Think if you said "I'm going to pick
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    a teacher writing on a white board with a huge smile on her face
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    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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    up Stacy", I might hear something like "I'm gone just wait and see". This happens at least once a day and usually isn't that big
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    of a deal. Unfortunately it isn't curable but I manage. In meetings with my new boss, my new boss would push strategies that were based around
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    focusing on students whose state test scores were almost passing. The idea was that you would focus on all students but give extra attention to these guys.
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    These initiatives were never written down and I would find out later that was because the legality of such a thing is iffy at best.
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    When these ideas were shared with me, I would constantly ask the boss after the meeting to repeat herself and then check my notes to make sure I heard
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    her correctly. I noticed at the time that she was passively frustrated that I would do this, even though I explained I had a hearing disorder.
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    Looking back, I wonder if she felt pressured knowing what we were doing wasn't kosher and if I made a bad impression. Now to introduce the main
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    character of the story, who I'll call Tenny, since she's the coach of the tennis team. Tenny is well liked by staff members for her years of
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    service toward our community in a particular area. I also liked Tenny a lot and figured she'd be a great team member. Tenny, however,
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    like my boss, became repeatedly frustrated when I would miss things she would say to me, especially in crowded high school hallways. Sometimes she would even shout
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    something to me as she walked past me. This led to many gaffs and mistakes. I asked her repeatedly to pause and make sure I got what she was saying
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    or just to email me. Nothing changed. There were at least five or six big moments that my hearing wasn't accommodated for when a simple email could have solved the problem.
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    Just as one example, my new boss came into the hallway to let us know that an assembly location was being changed. We were to take the students to
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    a new area, not the old one. Of course, I heard a change but I didn't hear the location. Tenny was the only one nearby. I tapped my ear (which I usually do
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    to indicate I didn't hear something) and asked where we were going. Tenny quickly responded and walked away and I, once again, didn't understand. Cue me and
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    my students walking into the assembly five minutes late after walking them around the building in confusion. My new boss asked what happened and I told her simply that I didn't hear her correctly.
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    Weeks later, I was called into a meeting with my new boss and she told me that I was going to lose my leader position due to inconsistency and "disrespect toward colleagues".
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    I asked her which colleagues and she told me that that was private. I asked her how I was disrespectful and she said that "sometimes you get frustrated when you say you can't hear things and tap your ear".
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    I said that that was the ASL sign for "hear", as in, "I can't hear you". She said that I should have communicated that. I said that I've asked for written communication constantly.
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    She said I shouldn't always expect it. I knew it was a losing game and any explanation I would provide would just be shot down. I loved the school and the community
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    and fighting new boss was only going to lead to more problems. I shouldn't have been surprised when a school wide email went out that Tenny was getting the leader position.
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    Tenny was praised by colleagues in Reply Alls and it was frustrating to say the least. I know that she was the one who complained and it was extremely bitter for me to see her rewarded for it.
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    Cue the next school year. Tenny comes into my room and asks me for the student data sheets that I created with Google Sheets. I told her, truthfully, that even if I did share them with her that there wasn't anything she could do with them.
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    I brought her over to my computer and showed her the formulas I worked with and how I needed to adjust them every time a new student, section, etc. was added to the roster.
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    She then asked me if I could just continue updating these sheets outside of my leader position. I told her as professionally as possible that I would love to teach her how to do all of these things but would need a stipend to do so.
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    She asked if any of the other leaders were doing what I did. I said they weren't. I was the only one and always had been. I'm a bit ashamed I didn't take joy in seeing Tenny's face go cold when she realized I wouldn't fold and there was nothing she could do except cope with hours of data work per year or become proficient with Sheets/Excel, something I knew she wasn't going to do.
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    And the real kicker: the parents. Parents of students 99% of the time are a joy to work with. I really mean that. It's so fun to work with the parents of the people I care the most about.
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    But it's the 1% that make your life a living h I. I have overheard Tenny complaining about being on the phone with a 1% parent for 45 minutes, losing her entire grading time.
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    A call like that would have taken me about 5 minutes tops since I have the experience of knowing how to stop circular arguments and get the parent on my side for an issue.
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    What has taken me minutes is taking Tenny sometimes hours. Yes, she's getting my 1.5K stipend now but I no longer have to deal with extra meetings, extra parent phone calls, miscommunication, etc.
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    She's getting all the pain I got and more. I feel ashamed that I'm taking so much joy for this but Tenny made my life h l in a place | otherwise love. Have fun, Tenny!
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management boss workplace-stories hr manager bosses work PTO managers supervisor workplace Horrible Bosses work-life balance
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